Have you ever looked at someone’s perfectly posed selfie and thought, “Wow, they must be living their best life.”

Meanwhile, you’re sitting on your couch in your sweatpants, scrolling through Tiktok videos, and feeling like a total loser?

It’s like we’re all playing a game of who can be the most fabulous and glamorous on social media.

Spoiler alert: It’s not real life!

The pressure to present a certain image of ourselves is huge.

I’m constantly worried about showing my bad hair days or my not-so-perfect parts.

But at the same time, I find power in the way I look and dress. It gives me confidence in real life.

So, how do we balance the desire to present our best selves with the pressure to be perfect?

Life can be an all-consuming fire that can leave us feeling helpless and overwhelmed. The constant pressure to remain positive and stay afloat amidst chaos can be more than we can bear. It’s almost easier to surrender to the madness and let it consume us entirely.

The depravity and vindictiveness of humanity is a terrifying reality that we cannot ignore. Despite having faced some of the darkest aspects of human behavior, it feels like I am the problem. Like I am the magnet for evil that attracts it toward me.

The number of people trying to snuff out my light is staggering. It’s as if they are all working in unison to drown out any semblance of hope or positivity.

I refuse to let them succeed. Even amidst the overwhelming chaos, I will fight to keep my light burning bright.

The fire inside me burns brighter than the fire around me.

Ah, the wonderful world of social media. A place where everyone believes they’re the ultimate expert, armed with an arsenal of unsolicited opinions and advice. It’s a haven for trolls, and let me tell you, I’m currently in the midst of a full-blown troll attack.

This troll has invaded every corner of my virtual existence, from my social media platforms to my brand new blog, and they’ve even managed to infiltrate my email inbox. Seriously, don’t these people have anything better to do with their lives?

Now, I won’t deny that my humour can be slightly provocative, but that certainly doesn’t give anyone the right to treat me like a commodity, readily available for their abuse. Boundaries, my trolls, ever heard of them? It seems like they missed the memo and decided to set up camp right in my virtual backyard.

You know, Kelis once sang about how her milkshake brings the boys to her yard. Well, I suppose I should have expected that some pathetic little boys disguised as grown men would come lurking around, thanks to my undeniable wit and charm *Hello Ego 👋*

But fear not, for I am not one to back away from a challenge. I have my trusty block button at the ready, and let me tell you, I shall wield it with reckless abandon! The power of that block button is strong within me. With one simple click, I shall banish these trolls to the darkest depths of cyberspace from whence they came.

It’s like a naked mud wrestling match, except without the mud and nudity. So basically, minus all the fun parts. But let’s get real here, is blocking really all we can do? Gone are the days of engaging in witty banter and verbal jousting. There’s always someone who has to step over the line and trample all over everyone’s fun!

So, listen up, all you trolls out there. I am not one to be messed with, and my block button finger is feeling rather itchy. Consider this your warning. You don’t want to challenge me to a naked mud wrestling match. Trust me, you won’t like how it ends.

#blockbuttonwarrior #blockandconquer

Remember, when it comes to these trolls, don’t be afraid to embrace the power of the block button. It’s a formidable weapon in the fight against cyber nonsense. Stay strong, stay witty, stay sexy and conquer those trolls like the social media badasses you are!

Love, the powerful force that has the power to either lift you up or shatter you to pieces.

Let’s face it, we all want that fairytale love story. The one where we find that special someone who will stick by us through thick and thin, love us for who we are and all our quirks. But the truth is, until we start being honest about who we truly are, love will continue to be a fleeting experience.

Drop the act, and let’s get real. We’ve all got our struggles, our darkest moments, and our deepest fears. But be vulnerable and communicate from the heart. Sure, it might be uncomfortable, but it’s the only way to find someone who will accept and love us for all that we are – the good, the bad, and the downright messy.

Trauma is just a part of life, but it doesn’t define you. Instead of viewing it as a flaw, see it as a feature of who you are. The right person will understand and make allowances for our past experiences.

Make a promise to yourself – never settle for less than what you deserve. Be honest about your faults and fornications, and find the kind of love that will last a lifetime.

Love is a journey of two souls who choose to walk together through the good times and the bad, the twists and turns, the bad blowjobs and the wrong holes. It’s not about being perfect but about being real. And when we find that kind of love, it’s worth every damn step of the journey.

Goodnight, sleep tight,
Keep those butt cheeks clenched up tight.
If you don’t, expect a shock…
The butthole monster will come in hot.

Clench those cheeks with all your might,
And keep that butthole locked up tight!
He will sneak up on you when you least expect,
And leave your butthole feeling wrecked.

So if you hear a faint rumble,
Or feel a shift in your anal jungle,
Just remember to be on high alert,
For the butthole monster is quite the flirt.

He’ll charm you with his wiles and tricks,
And leave you with a butthole that’s hard to fix.
So take care and keep your eyes peeled,
For the butthole monster is quite real.

If you have made it to this blog, it’s most likely you have come from one of my socials.

You are here for the unfiltered and unapologetic SJ, ready to take on the world with her racy and crude sense of humour. I mean, who needs a filter when you can pick an innuendo out of the Bible with your eyes closed? Am I right?

Now, some people might call my methods unprofessional or risky, but hey, that’s just me being genuine. And let’s face it, we all need a little authenticity in our lives, even if it comes with a side of trauma.

Sure, some of you might not be able to handle my inappropriateness, but that’s okay. You can either accept me for who I am or hit that unfollow button. It’s not like I need your validation or anything.

I may be a dirty joke humour mill, but I’m also a multi-faceted person with a lot of different interests and passions. That’s why I refuse to pick content pillars and niche down. Life’s too short to be put in a box

So, if you’re ready for a slightly disjointed and chaotic ride, buckle up and hop on board.

We’ll explore all the different facets of my life together, from the hilarious to the downright inappropriate. Because let’s face it, variety is the spice of life, and I’m here to bring the spice.

Stay tuned for more sarcastic, funny, and oh-so-inappropriate content from yours truly; with a generous sprinkle of soul-baring vulnerability for authenticity’s sake.

As someone who is quite sexually uninhibited, you might be surprised to know that I have a form of haphephobia-the fear of touch.

It’s like trying to navigate a minefield of physical interactions, constantly on high alert for any potential threat. People may think you’re being difficult or standoffish, but the truth is, the fear of touch is a real and constant battle.

I feel like I am trapped in a glass box. I can see the world and all its physical connections, but the thought of being touched fills me with anxiety and sometimes physical pain.

It’s like watching a romantic movie, swooning over the sex scenes, but at the same time, you’re cringing at the thought of being in that close proximity to someone.

I am well aware that this fear has come from trauma. Living with unwanted touch for years, feeling like my body was not my own, my boundaries not respected, and my energy stripped from me without my consent.

Haphephobia can be challenging; but it also has its positives. It teaches me to be more aware of my boundaries and to communicate them effectively. It also encourages me to find alternative ways to connect with people, such as through conversation, shared interests, and acts of kindness.

Living like this is sometimes lonely and frustrating, but there is one person who can break through the wall: my daughter. Maybe because she is literally a part of me, she feels like an extension of my body. Her touch feels warm and safe, not painful and anxiety-inducing.

Having haphephobia can also be a source of strength and resilience. By actively being aware of it and taking small steps to overcome it, I am showing that I am capable of overcoming my fears and living life on my own terms. I am learning to embrace my other unique qualities.

I will turn my haphephobia into a source of empowerment and growth. It’s a journey, but I am confident that I will come out stronger on the other side.

There are certain people in our lives who leave an indelible mark on our souls. These are the people who inspire us, challenge us, and uplift us in ways that we never thought possible.

Life can be a tumultuous journey, full of ups and downs that can leave us feeling lost and alone. But amidst the chaos, there are some who act as our anchors, holding us steady and guiding us safely to shore.

For me, that anchor is a person whose presence in my life has been like a lighthouse in the midst of a stormy sea; guiding me through the roughest of waves and the darkest of nights.

Our paths crossed in the most unconventional of circumstances. But it’s this special bond that makes our connection all the more meaningful.

Through the rough waves and dark nights, they have been my guiding light, helping me navigate treacherous waters and come out stronger on the other side.

Their approach to life is one of unwavering determination; and in moments of uncertainty, their invaluable advice has been a refuge for my weary soul.

Their talent and creativity are nothing short of amazing, yet they don’t always recognise it. The brilliance of their mind shines through in the ideas and knowledge that flow from them.

Their infectious energy and sense of humour are like a ray of sunshine on a stormy day, making even the toughest situations feel lighter.

Their stories are captivating, drawing me in with their amusing and entertaining nature. It’s impossible not to get caught up in the magic of every conversation.

This person is my anchor, and I am forever grateful for their presence in my life. They have taught me the importance of having someone to rely on and how one simple connection can make all the difference in the world.

To all the anchors out there, thank you for being the steady force that keeps us grounded amidst the tempestuous waves of life. Your unwavering strength and resilience give us hope and the courage to weather any storm.